Most Intimate
by Entire Oranges
Summary: Clarke comes to an understanding involving her mother and Marcus.


When Clarke was seven years old a nightmare awoke her from slumber. She laid in bed trying to calm her pounding heart and whispering in the dark she was okay but it wasn't working.

Clarke waited for the door to open and him to step into the room. Somehow her daddy always knew when something was amiss. Nightmare, sickness, loneliness whatever it was even if she laid in silence he sensed it and came to make things right.

He wasn't coming; she was alone. Though she knew he and her mom were right outside the door asleep as she just was the fact she couldn't see him, he hadn't realized something was wrong scared her more than the nightmare; that now she couldn't recall what forced her awake.

Clarke pushed the covers off her body, sat up, and put her feet on the floor. If he was unable to come to her she'd come to them both. She as quietly as possible turned the handle of the door in a hope not to wake them and pulled the door open.

It wasn't for several years later she finally comprehended what she saw. They were both awake, wet sweaty like they did five laps at gym class, her mom's eyes were closed her hands intertwined at her dad's head as she pulled at his hairs. What he was doing at seven she couldn't begin to understand why he would be kissing where her mother peed? Why her mom seemed to enjoy it was equally confounding.

Clarke remained there watching though her gut was telling her to leave, leave them be. She jumped and gave a yelp when her mom gave a quiet scream of three words 'oh god yes' and her body seemed to have convulse. At that moment her presence was discovered. Her mother had quickly went to cover herself. As a doctor she knew it was apart of life but now wasn't the time to have that discussion. Her dad forced on a smile to pretend nothing had occurred.

"Clarke come on I'll put you back to bed." She nodded not saying more.

Over time the memory of what had taken place dissolved from her mind until a point if had been witnessed was real or a faded dream came into question. Now that scene presented itself to Clarke again. The location was different and while her mom was the same the role of her dad been replaced by another.

Similar to the time when seven Clarke is aware her standing here in the shadows of the room is wrong. Now she understands everything that is happening increases the voice deep in her core saying leave; she ignores it. Keeps watching them. Or rather her. Clarke is focused on her mom and the look on her face. Unaware and without permission Clarke flashes back to that night on the Ark more specifically what her mom was doing; the way she looked. Pleasured? Yes. But there was a intensity and almost falseness to it. As if she had been forcing the reaction.

This right now this moment of intimacy Clarke sees the same pleasure and enjoyment; the difference was the sincerity in her mom's features. One since the beginning of time has struggled to describe the word love. Clarke was looking at. Her eyes drift down to her mom's hand atop of his head as it had been with her dad. Then it was pulling, tugging, demanding actions from him as if she were unwilling to allow him control. With him her fingers were merely playing with the hairs gently as if say she trusted his actions.

Fully aware of the moment of climax was Clarke could see her mom was close that was a moment the seeing once was enough; she didn't need to see it again. They deserved this to be sacred between only them. She steps backwards and exits the room as if she had never been there. Her clicking the door shut coincided with that climax she predicted was on the edge making the sound of the door completely lost in the ecstasy. Clarke leans against the wall heart pounding and tears gathering up. Her mother she never saw her that happy. That in love. Even with her father that look though close it never was that. The tears was a concoction of joy for her mother and a sadness for herself because that happiness wasn't there for her father; had never had been.

On the Ark it was unfortunate common places for unions need they be partnerships, marriages, or something in the middle arrangement was because of the one child policy. Leaving them stuck, unable to really go to another because they were now tied together. Clarke had a few classmates whose parents fell in that group; the forget to take the anti-conception drug, daddy got a little too drunk, and ta-da! No one really questioned it or got upset about it it just how life was. Clarke never considered she was apart of that group; had always assumed her parents purely loved each other, planned and wanted her. And when she came into their lives it was a blessing in the full sense of the word and not a noose tied to each their necks as the rope led to her. There were arguments, but everyone argued. A reason to question had never come into play; now after that she is questioning. And questioning does it even matter now?

A few days pass and the truth of her existence and what her parents really meant to each other fights control in her thoughts. More memories of a distance they presented but quickly covered up raced in Clarke's memory too. The veil was being lifted and while the reality wasn't that they didn't love each; of that she was still confident in its knowledge. Yet she wonders if ever were truly in love.

"Mom." She approaches her seeing a rare moment in which they were both alone. Here in Polis it never remained that way for long. Her mom smiles seemingly grateful for the visit.

"Yes baby?" Clarke stops. Everything she planned on saying goes out the invisible window. Did her mom need to be made aware her daughter whom she shielded from the truth suddenly knew she was an accidentally child? Did her mom need to know not once but twice a very intimate moment had been witnessed?

"I'm glad that Marcus makes you happy. You deserve to be in love and loved completely. And I'm okay." She at last says smiling softly. Abby raises an eyebrow as if searching for any reason her daughter would come to that conclusion and feel the need to share it.

"Thank you.' Her blessing, which what she was taking this has warmed her heart. She did always try to shield Clarke like any parent had. Jake had as well. There was a point in which that shield was no longer needed and holding it was only a burden. 'I did and I do love your dad." She adds her sight becoming blocked and blurry by the formation of tears.

"I have never doubted that. But like I said it's time for you to be completely happy. I'll be okay." With that both ladies begin to cry, embracing each other. Feeling free and at peace.


End file.
